Relentless

That's what diabetes is...relentless.  I think that is what bothers most of us in the end.  Anyone can do anything for a short period of time.  But diabetes just keeps dishing it out.  It's been a rough month.  It's only been rough because I thought I was the one in charge of this disease and it keeps coming around to remind me that I am at its mercy.  Please don't misunderstand that statement.  I am the one in charge.  But, as every diabetic can attest, there are times that despite my best efforts, diabetes doesn't act predictably.  Perhaps that's the only predictable thing about it...that it's unpredictable.  I've had this disease for almost 30 years.  That should be plenty of time for anyone to become an expert.  I do feel like I know a whole lot about it, but just as I am ever-changing, so is it.

Last month Mike and I went to Arches National Park and Canyonlands and had a get-away sans children.  It was so nice to be away from all of the household pressures and demands and have time to remind myself why I do all the things I do.  And time to enjoy the relationship Mike and I have.  Too bad I couldn't leave the diabetes behind.  We really enjoy hiking and we did a lot of it.  We spent one day in Arches and hiked to Delicate Arch and enjoyed some beautiful arches in the Windows district.  The hike to Delicate Arch is hardly considered a strenuous hike.  It is only 3 miles round-trip.  I do that sort of mileage everyday when I go out to walk/run.  The way my blood sugar was acting, however, you would have thought I was really being pushed to my limits.  I treated low blood sugar 5 times on the hike.  What would have typically been an easy push for Mike and me was peppered with frequent stops to try and let my blood sugar catch up.  I was completely exhausted at the end of the hike.  The memory of the experience is clouded by the haze I was in (low blood sugar really messes with your brain).  I learned a few things that day and the next day, when we hiked Druid Arch in Canyonlands, was a much better experience.  But I still had a clear message that Diabetes likes to be in the driver's seat.

I have to find the good things and here's the good thing about diabetes.  I am humbled by it constantly.  I am ever reminded that I can only do so much.  I cannot ignore it or hope it goes away or starts to behave.  It won't.  Though I can't predict everything about it, I can work to learn as much as I can and try everyday to make it a little better.  Most importantly, however, is the constant reminder that I depend upon the Lord and my Savior.  Diabetes keeps me grounded and reminds me that even when I think I am calling the shots, I am not.  Life is like that.  There is only so much we can truly control in our lives and the trick is learning to accept responsibility for what we can control and learn to endure what we cannot.  But not just endure with toleration, but endure with grace.  We've all seen people who have mastered that art.  I'd like to say I have, but diabetes constantly reminds me I have a long way to go.

In the spirit of enduring with grace, I have learned a few more things about diabetes recently and how it acts in my body.  It's getting better.  I started on the Dexcom G5 (continuous glucose monitoring) 3 months ago and I love it.  It's one more piece of information that is making some things a little less confusing.

For the past couple of weeks I've been able to exercise without fighting the low blood sugar.  I'm not seeing much of a high rebound after exercise either.  It's not without its imperfections (just a few days ago, I started out with a higher blood sugar than usual and much to my dismay it spiked to near 300 as I exercised), but it is making more sense and therefore becoming a little more predictable.  I won't always be able to anticipate all the swings, but I think I'll be able to anticipate most of them.  One way or another, I can't stop trying and fighting.  Diabetes is relentless.  The only way to respond is to be equally relentless in my resolve to master it.